An Illicit Attraction: A Roleplay

He looks at her,"You'll help? With what? Helping me write my resume..., yours isn't that impressive either, so not exactly sure how you can help."

Ouch. Kara grimaced. "My stellar grades make up for all that," she bit back. "In fact, my GPA when I graduated from high school was a 4.0, even after having moved three times. You're smart, too. Hell, living off of fixing cars was better than what it could have been. You could have kept at college. So don't go feeling sorry for yourself and throwing it back on me."

Hayden looks at her,"I am not throwing anything back at you. I just don't see how I am going to get a job with no reference. I don't think your brother's going to agree being one, I can see my future interviewer now, "So, why did you leave your last job?" Well, I fucked my boss's sister..."

"I don't think that's going to go over very well..." Hayden says, laying on his back and looking at the ceiling, he looks to her and smirks slightly, "But I really think this is a boring conversation, are you feeling better?" As he moves over and kisses her neck, moving his hand underneath the blanket.

Kara chortled. "I just threw up a week's worth of meals, babe, so forgive me if I refuse the lovemaking tonight."

She grabbed for his hand and wrenched it away from her panties. "Also, this whole night has pissed me off. Let's just sleep. We'll deal with all this tomorrow."

Hayden looks at her and all,"Just don't give it to me, whatever has got you sick." He kisses her cheek and they drift off to sleep.

Weeks go by, Hayden is out searching for jobs. He tries other mechanic's but has no reference, only from his home town and L.A. don't really seem to care about those, he walks into his apartment feeling defeated, when his cell starts ringing.

He answers it, "Hello Selene...going to be nice or a bitch?" As he took his shoes off, Selene's voice replies,"Not a bitch, just truthful, your beloved Aunt..who you know did everything for you, she's losing her house."

"What?" Hayden says, standing up straight, "This...,what are you doing to help?"

"We're all trying to help Hayden, it's not enough..." She starts to cry and Hayden rolls his eyes.

"I have to go...just thought you should know." She ends the call and Hayden stands there, feeling more miserable than before.


The next morning, Hayden was up earlier than normal. He actually had an interview, looking to his side and watched Kara as she slept, he could see her cleavage and instantly moved closer over to her. She had been sick for a week or so, she was finally going to see the doctor this afternoon.

He kissed the cleavage he could see and heard her moan slightly, moving her shirt up and off her. He licked his tongue over her nipples as he rolled more on top of her, pulling her panties down and his boxers.

As she brought his mouth to hers, she kissed him and he kissed back as he prepared to enter her when she broke off, he looks at her,"No...come on, you're not..." but she gave an apologetic smile and booked it to the washroom, pulling her panties up as she went, the door shut and he could hear her vomit some more.

Kara groaned, her head over the toilet bowl, a pink bandana she'd worn for years over her head to keep the hair back. She'd had it on for days. She wondered when this was going to stop.

Hayden stepped into the bathroom and lingered in the doorway, his eyes alight with questions. She shook her head. "This must be some bad food poisoning," she groaned, wiping the edges of her mouth with the back of her hand. "My appointment is soon, anyway. I'm going to get ready."

She looked back over her shoulder. "You're going by Advanced Auto for that interview, right?"

He nodded.

"Well," she said, standing up and moving to the sink. "Good luck, babe. I'll call you when I know what's going on with me."
-----

They'd checked her temperature. They'd checked her pulse. Now Kara waited for the next doctor, the real doctor, to take this lady's place. Unmarried. Sexually active. No allergies to medications. No known problems in her family history. Oh, except breast cancer.

Kara tried to fight her nerves, but her nausea was back and rearing its ugly head again. She palmed her stomach and waited for the doctor to emerge.

The woman who stepped inside was barely old enough to be considered a doctor. She had a mass of curly red waves framing a sweet, round face, and her doctor garb consisted of an array of colorful kittens and neon smiley faces. Kara didn't feel like smiling.

"Kara, I'm Dr. Marsh. You say you've been feeling nauseous?" She referred to her notepad, as if puking my brains out, as Kara had eloquently told them, wasn't enough of a description.

Kara nodded. "I was throwing up a lot. Getting sick out of nowhere. Waking up running to the bathroom. Then it stopped for a week or two, and started up again." She paused. "Can food poisoning do that?"

"There are a few more symptoms that would entail that," the doctor answered noncommitally. "Anything else you can tell me?"

Kara thought for a moment. "The other day my boyfriend was frying some bacon in the kitchen. It was literally the worst thing I'd ever smelled for some reason. I bolted right out and upchucked again."

Dr. Marsh nodded. "Any... increased urination?"

"Excuse me?"

"Have you been visiting the bathroom a lot, Ms. O'Byrne? Or having any signs of fatigue?"

"What the hell does peeing a lot have to do with food poisoning? Or some common cold?"

Dr. Marsh leveled her with a look. Kara sighed. "Yes. Maybe. I guess. I don't exactly tally up the pisses I take, Kittens."

The doctor referred to her notepad again, then placed it on the counter behind her. "So this here says you're on birth control. Are you taking that regularly?"

Kara grimaced. "Okay, I see what you're thinking. I take those pills every day, exact time. I'm not ready for kids. We're careful."

Dr. Marsh nodded again, but she didn't seem convinced.

Kara fumed. "Are you going to test me or am I wasting my time here? I'm sick. That's it."

Dr. Marsh smiled this time, unfazed. She reached into the cupboard above the counter and withdrew a small plastic cup. Kara hadn't seen a doctor in ages. Did they do this for food poisoning, or was she stupid to take it?

Kara thought about all the interrupted lovemaking sessions, the vomiting every time she awoke, and took the cup. She'd do anything. She was tired of feeling this way, and at the very least, she could take the test and prove this dumb bitch wrong.
-----

The waiting was the worst part. Kara firmly believed she was just sick, that this would clear up with some medication and careful eating, but there was a part of her that nagged at the possibility of pregnancy. The smallest smidgen of her actually anticipated it. The inner romantic, the nurturer inside her, was conjuring up names for the youngster. Painting lovely colors on the walls of a beautiful room, putting together cribs. Cooing at a little bundle nestled in the safety of her arms. She'd bet anything Hayden would make a great father. He was so warm. Loving.

Oh, Jesus fuck, Kara, get it together.

Cursing herself for her thoughts, Kara hugged her arms tightly to her stomach and slumped over her seat. It was food poisoning. She was sick. The flu, maybe. She'd ask for one of those surgery masks before she left and wear it over her mouth whenever she was around Hayden. Oh, yeah. Sexy.

Just as a small giggle escaped her lips at the thought, Dr. Marsh emerged.

She was smiling.

Kara waited.

"Well, Ms. O'Byrne," Dr. Marsh began, a stack of papers in her hand and outstretched toward Kara. Kara's stomach twisted in knots. She didn't like the smile. Didn't want the papers. No, no simple sickness needed this many papers. She felt bile rising in her throat again. Soon, she'd be bent over this woman's sink, heaving up the bagel she'd only barely stomached this morning.

She held it in, though, and kept her eyes on the doctor. "Sick?"

Her voice sounded weak, even to her. There was no conviction. Only false hope. Lingering. Waiting to be proven right.

But the doctor couldn't even muster up an apologetic smile. She was absolutely beaming.

"Nope, sweetheart. You're pregnant."

Kara waited, second after sickening second, trying to process the news. But it couldn't sink in. She wouldn't let it.

Before she could get out a word, to smack the smirk off of this smug bitch's face, she felt her breakfast coming to the surface.

She barely made it to the sink before she lost all but the baby slowly growing in her stomach.

Hayden walked into the apartment, happy. He got the job, the manager was super cool guy, loads of tattoos but he liked Hayden, he was from a small town just liked him and gave him a chance, even called the reference he had on his resume.

The pay was a lot less than what he was getting with Garrett and it meant he'd have to really cut down of expenses but it was a fresh, legal start. His aunt was still on his mind though.

He shut the door, "Kara?" calling out, to see if she was home.

Kara groaned. It was time for the moment of truth, and she was cowering in the bathroom, perched on the edge of the toilet seat. In full denial mode after her appointment, she'd gone to the store and purchased two more tests.

They were all positive.

"Bathroom," she called out dully, her gaze fixed on the floor.

She heard his footsteps, and they stopped in the doorway. She didn't even glance up.

"Doctor was a bitch," she grumbled numbly, still not bothering with an explanation just yet. "Didn't believe her. Bought more piss sticks..."

He looks at her and the pregnancy test boxes scattered on the floor, looked back at her finally with no words.

Finally, he cleared his throat "I got the job....and now, this is not happening. We're not having a kid, you are on birth control. Don't tell me you are the 1% that gets pregnant?"

Kara let out a single humorless laugh. "I am the one fucking percent, lover. I'm fucking pregnant."

Pregnant. What she was supposed to be once she'd gotten married. Or, in the very least, graduated college. Or had the money for it. What kind of mother could she possibly be?

Feeling nauseous all over again, she dared to lift her gaze and meet the terror in his eyes. "I took those pills like our lives depended on it, Hayden. You saw me. Every goddamned morning."

A choke caught in her throat, and she looked away. "Hayden, I don't believe in abortion. So with the time we have, we're going to decide whether to keep it or to give it up for adoption." The words flowed out of her mouth, almost effortlessly, maturely, and she hardly felt as if she'd uttered them. She was too panicked to think clearly. But she said it nonetheless. Whatever was inside her, it was life. It was precious to someone, maybe even to her if she deemed herself fit to keep it, and it was hers to protect for nine months. It deserved its chance in the world, no matter the fact that its mother was a complete mess.

She looked up again, feeling the silence swallowing her whole, and struggled to keep her tears at bay. "Say something. Please."

He looks at her,"I don't know what to say...I don't mean to be a dick about this but I was prepared to have a whole talk about how we have to move, cut down on expenses and now we're going to have probably the biggest expense I will have my entire life, for 18 years at least...holy fuck."

He swore and walked off, went to his mini bar area and took a shot of whiskey. All he could see was money, money,how expensive this was going to be. Kara isn't done college, he doesn't have a degree, he makes 17 dollars an hour, in a huge expensive city.

How was he ever going to figure this out?

"Yeah?" Kara called out, rising from her seat to follow Hayden. "All I'm hearing is you, you, you. You're the one who knocked me up, and I didn't see you getting your panties in a twist when we made this baby."

He said nothing, but his shoulders tensed. He poured another shot. Kara idly thought about what a pain in the ass it would be to not drink until this baby was out. Then she let the thought pass.

"I'm giving you an option, Hayden. It's 50-50 here. If you don't want this, then say so. But I'd like to talk about this when we're both in our right minds."

She cradled her stomach with the palm of her hand and looked down. There was something growing inside her. A baby, her child. Their child. If they decided to keep it, would it know they'd had this discussion? Would it have some sense that in its beginning stages, it wasn't wanted? Would it always know, that deep down, its parents had discussed giving it up? Kara felt a pang of sadness, then one of overwhelming guilt, at the thought.

Her parents had been married and trying for kids for three years before Garrett came along. She'd been the next miracle. The doctors had sworn to her mother that she'd never have another child after Garrett, and then came Kara. She and her brother had been wanted and loved and awaited from day one. But her parents were far better than her.

Hayden looks at her, "I really am impressed how you can have this wishful thinking, we've been together a couple of months, we have nothing...we're not prepared for this! Why can't you see that? I'll be back later, I have to get out of here."

With that, he turned on his heels and walked out.

---------------------------------------------------

Hayden took a sip of his beer, watching the football game that was on the screens in the bar he liked to go to. Deep down, he was scared. A kid? He never thought about having one, what kind of Father would he be? Look at what he did for months?

He would never want his son to do it and suddenly understood why Garrett disapproved of him, if Hayden's daughter dated a guy like him, he'd hate it. Everything was such a mess since moving to L.A., should have stayed in Arizona and married his high school sweetheart.

He was about to order another beer, when someone next to him at the bar, "Day time drinking huh?" Said the voice, he knew it well and looked to see Garrett.

"Your point?" The bartender set down another beer and took Garrett's order, who asked for her number as well. Hayden just watches him,"Big ladies man, I get it..." He takes a drink, Garrett looks at him,"Look kid, I don't do apologizes but I have a job, you're the best I have for it."

Hayden looked at him,"What makes you think I want to get involved with that? You're a fucking asshole." He got up but Garrett stopped him by saying,"How's your Aunt's money situation? Getting better or worse?"

Hayden looks at him, Garrett drank his beer "I understand you GQ, you grew up poor and you don't want that to happen again..."

"You know nothing about me..." Hayden said, "I know enough, I know you will do anything for that woman. Look, Hayden, I need you...you owe me, for all the lies and every penny you get back for me, I will double it."

Hayden stood there, not sure what decision he should make. Garrett finished his beer and stood up,"You know where I am...if you reconsider, need it done by Friday."

He left.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

He needed to blow off steam, it was 4 p.m. as he walked the streets of L.A., thinking about Garrett's offer and also about Kara, he missed her already. That was it, she was his life. He wanted to be with her.

Around 8 p.m., he walks into the apartment and shuts the door. Kara was sitting on the couch, watching tv. He sits next to her and watches as she ignores him, turning up the volume.

He takes the remote, "We have to talk about this...I left, I'm a jackass but I'm ready to discuss whatever it is you want to do."

Kara sighed. She'd had this internal struggle since he'd left. The television wasn't a distraction. Nothing was. This life dwelling and growing inside her had a hold of her head and her heart and wasn't letting up any time soon, no matter how much effort she put into it.

Did she really want to just give it away? The word 'miracle' kept nagging at her. It was what her mother would have said. It's a miracle, Kar. Out of the 99.9, you're that teeny little percent. That means something.

She would have loved Hayden, too. She just knew it. She wished they could have met.

Brushing the thoughts from her mind, Kara turned to look at Hayden. "It's not just me," she reminded him. "You get a say. I respect you. And yes, you were a dick, but I can't just force this on you. We have to agree on this one thing."

She cradled her stomach in her hand. "The baby deserves that."

He looks at her, listening and hearing her out. "Have you eaten anything yet..?" She looked at him surprised by his response but he could guess no she didn't.

He gave a smile and they got up, they went to one of their favorite restaurants near the Venice board walk. It was a small, unique place. Famous for great pasta, it only had about 15 tables in there. It was very discreet. They went on dates here many times, so that no one would see them.

They sat down and Hayden looked at the wine menu, then glanced to Kara forgetting already. He sets it down, "Kar, I just don't know..how we can be ready for this? It's how I feel, I never wanted kids or thought about it...we're still young, I am pissed we were careful and still get a kid out of it."

"How do you feel about it..? I know you're happy, I can see all over your face but realistically, how do you feel?" He says, a bread basket is set down for them.

Kara stared at the basket of bread before her, her stomach rumbling. So this thing inside her had something against bacon, but loved bread. Odd little thing you are, she thought down to the baby inside her. Then she frowned at how easily the thought had come. How easily she'd spoken to it, as if it were already full and grown and lying in her arms. And Hayden didn't want it.

What was Kara thinking? She didn't want it. She couldn't want it. She couldn't afford it.

"I'm thinking I'm jobless now, too," she murmured, still not taking her hand from her belly. She rubbed it in a low circle, as if to comfort her unborn child. She looked up and saw Hayden's jaw tensed. She took her hand away and instead picked up a roll of bread.

"I won't just go back to Garrett. And that auto shop has been my first and only job. I have some cash saved up, yeah, but I'm still in school. And now there'll be medical expenses." She cleared her throat in her haste to correct herself. "I mean, if we keep it."

Daring to meet his gaze, she looked up, still having not taken a single bite of their appetizer. "Is it selfish to want-" She swallowed. "Look, I don't know. I want it..." She palmed her stomach again. "It has to have a good home. Good parents. If we can't... If you don't want..."

Honesty. She'd never lied before, so why start now? "Hayden, I just can't help but think that maybe, if we tried hard enough... We could make it work."

Hayden looks at her, "You're right though...you're not out of school. What is going to happen when after it's born, whose going to look after it? I doubt your brother is going to like this, I knocked up his angel of a sister. We...,mostly I, will have to pay for day care. Their is so much to think about, we're supposed to think about these things...before it happens, be prepared. We're not prepared."

He looks at her finally, the look on her face. The hand on her stomach he could still see, he gave a sigh and they finished eating, it seemed to go by so fast. They both out of things to say about the topic.

"Let's go for a walk..." He said, standing up and taking her hand. They walked down the Venice board walk and finally to the beach, "I've had this in my pocket all night, I know I want to give it to you...,I must be crazy in love with you because, let's do it. Let's have it, the baby."

He looks at her, she looked confused for a second but then he took a box out of his pocket. He got down on one knee, "Kara, I love you...will you marry me?"

Tears springing to her eyes, Kara fought to keep herself breathing. What was with the emotions lately? It wasn't even the pregnancy talking. It was this man, this man she'd thought she'd never have the luck of knowing, this idea of love that she'd all but given up on months ago. And he was asking her to marry him.

"God, Hayden," she blubbered, hand to her mouth, her head nodding erratically. "Yes. Yes, I'll marry-"

She didn't finish. He sprang up from where he was perched and wrapped his arms around her in an enthusiastic embrace. The ring was an afterthought. She didn't care. She had him. They had it. The baby.

They would make it work.

Hayden and Kara were on cloud 9, that weekend they managed to find a cheaper 2 bedroom apartment. The neighborhood wasn't like his old place but it was closer to his work and 20 minutes from the University.

When they were finally all settled in, Kara was in class and Hayden came home. He decided to ring up his Aunt finally and tell her the good news, he dialed her number and waited for a reply. Finally someone picked up.

"Hello?" Hayden said, and then Selene answered, "Hi Hayden, I was just about to call you." Hayden stood still, "About what?"

"She's in the hospital Hayden, she was in car accident."She said, "...When did this happen?" He could barely stand.

"Last night, she's in recovery now...thankfully. They say she was really lucky." Selene broke down into tears, "Hayden, this is...Mom's lost her house, now this. It's never going to end."

"It's okay, we'll work it out..." He said, trying to sound hopeful. "I have...,I'm sorry."

"I'll be there by Thursday..." He said, "She would like that..."

"I love you Selene..."

"You too, Hayden" They hung up.

Hayden left his apartment, driven on rage and not thinking. He went to auto shop, Garrett's auto ship and went up to his office, "Okay, I'll do it. If it's still available."

This kid was too easy. He was Garrett as that younger, desperate man that he'd once been. He was selling his soul and not giving a damn about the consequences. He would kill a man right now if Garrett told him to.

Garrett leaned back in his seat, impressed that it had taken Hayden as long as it had to return. Gesturing for him to seat, he crossed his legs at the ankle, his fingers laced together and pressed against his chest. "Hit rock bottom, GQ?"

He didn't do with the I told you so that he so badly wanted to say. He knew Hayden could still be pushed to leave. Any man with an ounce of pride would, when Garrett dropped the words, "so you needed me after all."

"Sob story. Let's hear it." His gaze leveled with Hayden's. "This about your aunt? Sweet gal. I meant it when I said I'd help her."

Hayden ignored his questions,"The assignment, just tell me what it is..." As much as he hated himself for doing this, Kara would be so pissed, he had to keep it from her. He looks at him, "You're going to tell Kara about this though...aren't you?"

Garrett narrowed his eyes at Hayden. "She'd have to want to fucking talk to me for that, now wouldn't she?"

And I have better plans than telling her what you've been up to, was his next thought.

Sighing, he rose from his seat and fished out the keys to the safe. "Return these to me before you leave. You know the drill."

Hayden took them wordlessly, and in what Garrett knew to be the walk of shame, he strode towards the office door. Garrett's words caught him before he could leave.

"Kid?"

Hayden didn't turn. He simply stayed standing, his hand on the knob, head slumped in defeat. Garrett almost took a strange sort of pity on him.

Fuck this kid. He took your sister. He lied to you. He betrayed you. He was your brother, and now you have no real fucking family left. He never deserved Kara, and this proves it. He's weak. Let it go.

Garrett let a slow smile spread across his face, his earlier doubts gone. "I don't think you'll realize till it's all said and done how glad I was to have you back."

Hayden looked back, no smile on his handsome face "You win, that's all you need to know." He left.


He went to the safe, took out the cocaine. He returned the key and got into his car. He kept a suit in the trunk and he changed into it in a public restroom. He made his way to a fancy hotel downtown L.A., a celebrity he assumed.

He was told the customer would be in a fedora and by the bar, Hayden scanned the room and spotted him right away. He walked over, the guy looked like some young hollywood star, just like he had predicated.

"Jenner..?"Hayden said, the kid looked to him. "Wow, you must one classy drug dealer."

"Thanks...say it a little louder, look let's make this quick. Do you have it?" Hayden said.

"Money for what?" Jenner said.

Hayden looked at him not impressed,"Are you deliberately being an idiot? Look, I have your cocaine so you can go become an even bigger idiot, hand it over."

Jenner looks at him, stands up, "Hayden Sommers, you're under arrest for trying to sell illegal drugs." The kid showed his cop badge, Hayden widened his eyes and was too late to run, for he was put towards the bar and handcuffed.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Kara didn't hear any words from Hayden, till almost midnight when the phone rang in their apartment. When she answered,"Hey..."

"Hayden?"

Groggy from sleep, Kara rose from the bed and wiped the sleep from her eyes. A midnight call? Was he insane? She had two exams tomorrow. But it had to be important. Hayden knew she'd been stressed.

"Hayden, what's going on?"

Hayden finally spoke,"Okay...you have every right to hate me, I got arrested. I'm in jail right now, your brother...he can fill you in on how. The reason why, my Aunt...she's in the hospital, she needed help. I'm sorry...Kara, I am so sorry."