The God and the Healer - RP

I level my best glare at her, then let the fire dissipate. She gasps in relief and I take a step back. “Leave us,” I command, “before I change my mind.”

Surprisingly, she does as I told her. As soon as the door shuts again, I’m facing my husband. I don’t ask if he’s all right, because I know he is. He deserved it.

“You mind explaining why I shouldn’t have killed the prick? I’m just getting started, Lochlan.”

I look at her, I have stood up by now. "Why don't you go get changed into something else, maybe shower...then we can talk. About a lot of things..."I look at her, serious. She comes up to me and grabs my crotch area, I make a noise of discomfort and she moves me to the wall.

I keep my grip tight, my anger strong, and my hand grows hot where I’m touching him. Not enough to severely burn him, but enough to make him squirm.

“This goes nowhere near another woman. I will not be humiliated and disrespected after everything I’ve gone through for you. I’m done with crying and making excuses. Honor your fucking vows.”

I nod, "Okay, I said I was sorry..." she grips a little tighter. I nod again, "It's all yours, let go..." she finally does and goes to get a shower. I look at her leaving, thinking wow she is definitely not the same Cora.

A maid shows up and tells me how the healers are all sleeping and if she needs to do anything else, I tell her no and she is dismissed for the night. Staff automatically treat me as the King I am supposed to be, the laughter they would get seeing my own wife holding me by the balls and agreeing to her every command.

When she gets out of the shower, I am in the room. Sitting on the bed, she sees me and doesn't care as she starts to get dressed. I sit more up, "Kane, where do I even start, every God knows him. His dimension, as I am sure you saw, it's little to be desired. Many other dimensions took a lot of valuable resources from there and he lost every war he started. His arrogance clearly is what got him killed but regardless of how people felt about him...he still was respected. Their will be a retaliation over it."

"I don't want you here when it happens, you should go be with Niamh and I will handle all of it."

That stops me. “Retaliation? How the hell was this guy respected?” I step closer to Lochlan, the too-large shirt he loaned me stopping at mid-thigh on my frame. Another maid stepped in to take over for the last; she’s washing my clothes as we speak.

“What are you saying, Lochlan? What’s gonna happen?”

I look at her, I really want to touch her and she knows it. I lick my lips slightly, "Killing a God is not a thing anyone ignores. A life for a life kind of deal...,like I said. I will think of something and make a trade. A trade big enough, for hopefully everyone to stop chasing you and Niamh."

"I want this to stop, it's never going to be a normal life for her. I can't bring her here yet, she's safer in your world than this dimension, which is all about protection! It's..., it hurts my brain to even think about it."

I’m so over everything by now. I march around the room and paw through his closet for something to wear underneath the shirt. I bend down, giving him a full view of exactly the bits of me he won’t be getting tonight, and find a pair of boxers in the bottom drawer.

“I’m so sick of this god bullshit,” I reply, stepping into his underwear and pulling it over my hips. “By now, I’ve lost count of how many we’ve killed. Kane threatened the life of the General’s son and granddaughter. You do that, you die.”

Again, I spin to face him. “I’m tired of the fight coming to us. We’ll take it to them. Together.”

I start smiling and she looks caught off guard, "I haven't seen you this, fiesty, since first meeting you. When you refused to listen and made life hell for me. You also just had to save those healers? Cora, you are too...out of control. You respond with emotions, it's going to get you killed. You are not fighting, Niamh is having at least one parent alive and it's going to be you."

I march up to my husband, my eyes narrowed and my fists clenched. “Don’t you fucking talk like that. I may be pissed at you now, but I’m not about to let you die. If she’s safe with Oscar, then let’s end this. If anyone wants to try and retaliate, they can do it against you, me, and your army.”

I just nod, I know their is no talking her out of this. She gets into bed at the other side, I go to leave but feel her hand on mine. I look down at her and she pulls me down. I lay next to her and she curls into my chest. Her tears flood my chest and the toughness is gone. I hold her and stroke her hair, I let her cry until we both fall asleep.

I wake up to my husband hovering over me, lust and a question in his eyes, his finger lightly tracing the outside of the boxers I’m wearing. Even such a small touch awakens my every sense and desire, but I’m not about to let him win me over so quickly.

I know what’s coming next before he even has to do it, so I part my legs and give him room to work. He eases the boxers down my legs and I lift my hips to assist him. His fingers tease my folds, sliding up and down, then around the sensitive bundle of nerves before his tongue joins them. He licks and suckles and enters me, and I twist my hips in circles, my hand going to the back of his head to hold him there.

He laps up my wetness and flicks his tongue against my clit expertly while I gasp and moan. I tug at his hair and grind myself against him, my heart beating a mile a minute, my body growing hot.

When the orgasm hits, I turn my face into the pillow beside my head and I scream into it. I don’t want to give him my passionate approval or props for a job well done. He knows he’s good, and I refuse to stroke his ego.

He kisses his way up my body, his cock hard and ready, but I’ve already been serviced. I’m good to go. As soon as he positions himself against me, I roll off the bed and walk off to take a shower.

I look at her walk off, "Cora..." but she shuts the door. I sit on the bed and do it myself. I go into the washroom, clean myself up in the shower right next to her. I smirk but I don't say a word, pissed enough.

"So, when you forgive me....are you just going to hop on?" as I brush my teeth, after I've gotten out. She says nothing and continues to wash her hair. I get a great view of her ass through the glass doors and I finally give up and leave.

From henceforth, I won’t be doing any more walking on eggshells. I can’t call myself a feminist if I can’t even act like it. I won’t be a doormat, I won’t be treated like the shit on the bottom of anyone’s shoe, and if I’m to be a queen, then I’d better prove myself capable.

Starting with Marit and her soldiers.

I hear her speaking through a microphone on the front steps of her mansion, addressing the gods of this dimension, offering bullshit words of strength, hope, and resilience.

For a moment, I simply stand in the foyer and listen.

“We must be strong in the face of such trying times. I know we have all suffered a great loss of late, and I know that my husband would have wanted us to stand tall and fight back with even greater force than our enemies. We will do as we have always done, my good friends. We will prevail.”

I bust through the tall white doors of the General’s home and stomp on over to the podium, my rage leading me. I snatch the microphone out of its stand and face the crowd. “If it isn’t the wicked bitch of the West. Trying times indeed, Marit, but I can’t imagine you’re too torn up about it. You know, considering you’re the one who killed your husband.”

A hush falls over the crowd. Marit gapes at me and reaches for the microphone, but I hold up a hand to stop her. She’s frozen in her place. I turn back to the people in the audience and scan their faces. Confusion takes the lead, but it’s better than disbelief.

“That’s right, guys. She told me she’d do it before she did it. During which, she tortured me, but that’s a whole other matter. See, the plan was-“

Marit is losing her shit. “Cora!”

With a glance, I silence her. She couldn’t speak if she tried. “Shut the fuck up.” When her top soldiers begin to approach, I raise my hand in peace. “She’s fine, gentlemen. You’ll want to hear this.”

I continue on. “She’s the one who sent Lochlan to watch over me. She knew the prophecies. She wanted it to happen. That way, her son forfeits his future title of General, and all she has to do then is kill the man himself.” With a grin, I face Marit. “Well, congrats on the promotion.”

I am actually just standing in the crowd, alongside everyone else. I watch this trainwreck unfold! I finally make my way up to the stage and take the microphone from Cora, I thank her for her...contribution and she smirks at me.

I look at my mother, who stares back. "I don't know what she is talking about Lochlan.." she starts to say, I wave her aside, "I know you did it, deep down everyone here does."

"Step down, leave this dimension and never come back. Or, I wil have you arrested and Cora can do whatever she wants with you." I say calmly. Mother laughs and tries to tell soldiers what to do.They stand down, I look at them and tell them to arrest her then. They do so.

I have it back? I really do? I look at Cora and I can't help but lift her up. I am so happy and I kiss her. It's taboo, healer and a God. But I am in charge and looks like I am changing a few things, that rule in particular. I set her down.

"She will down in the dungeons, to be fair, she did agree to help me find you. So, maybe...a tiny bit less torture?" I say, looking at her.

I didn’t intend to get all overjoyed here, but fuck it. It’s finally happened. Lochlan has what he wants and what was rightfully his from the beginning.

I give him a grin and a shrug. “You’re the General. By the way, I want to see Niamh today. And, of course, I have to find Negan. I’m officially the world’s worst cat mom, but then again, the house was on fire and I was a little busy.”

Cora went to see Niamh, I told her where Oscar was. While she left, I set up in my fathers office, now my office.

I've planned a secret, if anything happens and the gods come looking for someone to punish. It is going to be me. I leave a folder and lock it up, for who I want as a replacement while I am gone. No surprise I have chosen Oscar, I trusted him with something much more valuable, my daughter's safety. I can trust him for this job.

I take my time and head back to Hawaii first, before I go to Cora. For now, I go to Hawaii. I told Cora the cat was the least of my concern but no surprise my wife who saves strange healers, has a soft spot for the cat.

I come across our house, it's burnt to the ground. It's sad really stepping on the grass, pictures of Niamh are gone forever. I am lost in the grief when I feel something against my leg, I look down to see Negan. He purrs along my leg, I pick him up "I know you're not excited to see me but you know I am better than no one at all."

I get a meow in response of course. With one last look, I disappear and appear outside of Cora's fathers house. My mother is no longer a threat, Kane is dead. I am now the General. It allows me to control my army finally, I protection everywhere. I always declared peace between myself and everyone else, if one member of Cora's family is harmed in any way, I will blow up the dimension who caused it.

Safe to say, it's been quiet.

I knock on the door and Cora has already opened the door, she must have seen me from the window and takes the cat in her arms. I look behind her to see Niamh in Ryan's arms. I am invited inside and Cora closes the door, she puts down the cat and kisses me.

He went back and got my cat. My cat, the insubordinate, grumpy feline who woke us up nearly every morning at the most insane of hours screaming to be fed. He got him for me.

I don’t know which part of today to be more emotional about, but I’m going through the gamut of emotions and I love my husband. I can’t mope about the kiss forever. I’d jump him if my entire family weren’t around to witness it.

Everyone is smitten with Niamh; that was a given. She’s switched from Ryan’s arms and back to her grandfather’s, who stands to greet Lochlan with a pat on the shoulder. “It’s good to see you. Caius has kept us updated, but I’ve been dying to meet my granddaughter.”

The other grandkids, Jacob and Ellie, stand by his side and do their best to peer up at Niamh while Luke shakes Lochlan’s hand and Kat giddily waits her turn for a chance to hold the baby. Caius hangs back with a smile on his face, enjoying the moment. He regards my husband with a slight bow of his head.

“Congratulations, General. We have all taken great relief in breathing again with such wonderful news.”

I shake Caius hand and thank him, I am about to answer but I hear Niamh's squeels of delight seeing me or at least hearing my voice and I go to her. I lift her up and look at how big she's gotten and it's only been a week.

I finally let her go to her aunt and I feel someones hands around the back of my waist, I turn my head slightly knowing it's Cora. She has a look of hunger in her eyes. I whisper to her, "Full on this time or just you? I am down for either." She smacks my butt and walks off. Once again, we are back to our favourite spot in her Dads house, clearly the bathroom.

We spend the day and night here, by the next day, we are discussing where to go now. I don't want to be at her father's house forever but Hawaii is off the table. I explain to Cora how Ava is dead, Eli killed her. Awkward to talk about it but felt it was needed.

It's late at night in her fathers house and everyone is sleeping, I am awake looking up places on my ipad. Cora comes over to me, we are in the living room.I have the tv on as well, while I research.

Cora is oddly quiet, I look at her "Tell me whatever it is...and I promise I won't get mad."

If I want an honest and open relationship, I need to tell Lochlan everything, even the things that don’t seem to matter in the grand scheme of things. Like my time with Aaron.

My Cousin Vinny plays on the television in the background. It’s always been one of my favorites. I sigh. “Before I came home that night and saw what I saw, Aaron took me to get ice cream to cheer me up. We walked around a record store, just talking, but then afterward he tried to kiss me. I hightailed it out of there to get home to you.”

I shrug and turn my attention to the TV. “I guess the abridged version of this story is that you were right. I never would’ve entertained the idea of us together, but it would be wrong not to tell you.”

I look at her, Aaron, I would punch that guy is what I think. I close the ipad and look at her, "As lame as this is, I did much worse. So, you were honest and told me. I don't deserve you and Aaron is probably right about it. So..."

I reach into the couch, tucked in the sides and I take out a long box. I hand it to her, she looks at it and then opens it. Two tickets to Greece. "No magic, an actual plane...it took awhile getting used to life without magic but I ended up enjoying it. That's because of you and I plan to....really make it up to you."

“Greece?” I shriek, gaping at the tickets and then at my husband. “We’re going to Greece?”

I attack him with kisses, then climb into his lap until I’m straddling him. “You’re getting so much pussy tonight.” As if on cue, I feel Negan hop up onto the couch and rub against my leg. I give him a pat on the head. “Not you, buddy.”

I kiss my husband again and grin at him salaciously. “Let’s go to my old room and do things that’ll make Marlon blush. General.”

We arrive in Greece, not that we explore much of it because we can't seem to leave the hotel room. We have a balcony view of the ocean and spend most days completely naked.

I lay in the bed, naked once again and a sheet torn off me. I feel a slap on my bare ass and grab Cora to the bed who laughs and says let's go see the beach, the town, something!

After another round of fun, we go out and explore. The villages are friendly, we look at little stands. Presents are bought for Niamh who is with Grandpa of course, as well as other family members. I joke a post card for my mother stuck in the dungeons? Neither of us really laugh at that joke.

It's dinner finally, on our 5th night in paradise. We sit on the balcony of our hotel villa and clink our wine glasses, suddenly out of nowhere, I see Oscar appear in the room. I throw a shall to Cora, her dress...well it's pretty see through at the top and she isn't wearing a bra but my amazing wife loves to entertain me.

She wraps herself up and we both go see Oscar. Oscar tells me of a warning that my dimension is under attack by a world that basically governs all the rest of us known as Conway. Rules have to be followed by the gods in every other dimension or their is consqeunces. It's why gods cannot mate with healers or humans, anyone other than another god.

We discovered Cora is a god now, the powers from Niamh and her energy released enough to make Cora more than just a healer. The governors of Conway clearly chose to over look this which was good but then Kane died and now they have questions. I knew they would be, I sent them a letter stating I would take my wife's place in the death of Kane and serve a term. I also sent a letter to Caius, as I knew the Governors would be all over my offer, I advised for Caius to protect my dimension and creating a protection bubble for it. Just in case.


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Without question, I returned to my dimension with Cora who insisted on coming. I informed Conway, they would have to fake my death in front of my wife or she would not stop. Also to send soldiers who are easily disposable.

Kane is an example of my wife's power and he was not any easy God to kill.

They agree to my terms, it is not long that I stand in my office with Cora and Oscar. The mansion is surrounded, soldiers are killed left right and centre. Finally, one of the governors look me in the eyes and to Cora's eyes, I appear to have died. My body falls limp to the floor but little does she really know, I have disappeared to the governors dimension. I am handcuffed and trailed along with 5 other new prisoners.

The moment my husband drops, so does my heart. My legs no longer want to bear my weight; I collapse onto my knees and begin to crawl toward him, but Oscar pulls me back.

I’m screaming, tears streaming down my face, my husband’s head merely a blurry figure in my vision. Lochlan is dead. My husband is dead.

I scream his name and paw against Oscar, desperate to go to Lochlan. When his hold proves too strong, I cry out and send forth a burst of energy, knocking him back into the walls of the mansion. The mansion that would be our home, in the dimension that my husband was set to lead by my side. And now he’s dead.

A few soldiers from Conway remain, watching over the carnage they created. They stormed the place and we fought and I still couldn’t protect my husband. They were here because I killed Kane, and he died because of my actions.

I killed Lochlan. I killed the man I love, the father of my child.

With one last shrill scream, I take out every soldier from the Conway dimension, incinerating them where they stand. Oscar reaches me and holds me back from Lochlan as the dust of their remains falls like snow over our bodies.

Oscar lifts me from the ground and pulls my head against his chest, shielding me from the view.

My husband is dead.

"Up! You know it's time..." I hear, the same voice I have heard for the past month, if it's even been that long. I open my eyes and look over, I am in a cell with bars that will zap you if you touch them. I am still in clothes from two weeks ago, I am promised a new pair soon if I do another fight. I feel a whip at my back and I don't even cringe anymore, I stand up.

I look to the man who has whipped me, he glares back "Come on, General...this is why you were picked." He opens the cell and pulls me to him, my hands are cuffed with a material that burns into my wrists all day long, the pain has numbed me by now. I am pulled along, I walk the same amount of steps it takes until I hear chanting and booing.

I stand underneath an arena, I almost want to pass out. I am starving, before the fight I always get a ration of meat and water, some bread. Today, my captor hands me bread. I look at him, "You want me to be killed in a manner of 5 seconds?" I knew before I finished the sentence, I was smacked hard to the ground. Conways have a strength I can never master.

A gate goes up, my handcuffs come off and I am pushed out into the middle, I see people, lots of people. They all are in the stands, one side cheers and the other side boos. An announcer comes on at the top row, "Welcome! You know what today is, it's the General vs. Keswick!" The fans cheer. "You know the rules, it's a fight to death for both of these prisoners."

I never die, I never come close to being defeated. It's a reason the Governors were so keen to have me. I agreed to a 3 year term and they also had to make sure I didn't die, of course if I did, they wouldn't shed a tear over it.

The announcer calls for my opponent, who comes out of the other end. The goal here, prisoners from all dimensions who are here for whatever crimes they have commited, must compete in an old fashioned gladiator fight to the death. It is exactly the reason I am here and not Cora.

3 weapons are placed on the ground, when the bell is rung, we must run to the one we want. One is a sword, arrow and axe. I always go for the sword but this opponent is quite fast. I am so hungry, it is hard to focus. I am slashed on my shoulder and fall to the ground, the crowd boos. I roll away quickly before the sword is brought down again. I right hook him so hard, I can hear and feel the bones in his chin break.

The sword falls and I instantly grab it, a quick swish and the neck has been cut. My opponent fall over, bleeding to death. I toss the sword to the ground, my shoulder is hurt and I am close to being passed out, when I feel myself being dragged back to my cell. I am tossed in, not before being handcuffed again.

I sit in pain but I never show it. I hear footsteps, I know it's one of the Governors, one who wishes I call her master. "Poor Lochlan, you know their was another way here...,stay with me in my lovely estate while you fight, be treated like a true warrior but you have this wife you love so much. Can't break any vows."

I look up at her, "Not happy with the fiance?"

She laughs and looks in more at me, she tosses me a wrapped up item. I open it as quick as I can with cuffed hands. It's chicken, roasted. I look at her surprised for such a treat, she smiles "Go on, be a good boy and eat it. I will bring you clothes tomorrow. I'll also have someone look at the shoulder."

I toss the chicken back at the bars, the bars fry it into nothing. The governor, her name is Nora, looks at that. "Lochlan, don't be difficult..it will be a long 3 years if you do that. Fine, no food. No food for two days then, maybe next time you will be nicer."

She walks off. I rejected her offer, I cheated on Cora before. They knew it would torment me if I slept with Nora too, anything to cause me torture. They have succeeded in doing so.

I sit against the wall, thinking I needed that chicken and I was idiot to fight it.

Two years have passed. Nobody has come to kill me or threaten my daughter. I go through the days feeling numb and shut off from the world, I go to work at the same hospital I was at when I first met my husband, and with the money Lochlan left me, I buy my own small house down the road from my father. He’s comfortable in his retirement, spending his days reading the news, tinkering with odds and ends that need fixing around the house, and watching his grandchildren whenever he can. Admittedly, he’s left with Niamh the most. Caius comes every few weeks to check the shield and visit the family; for the most part, he keeps himself busy with other assignments. I think it hurts him too much to see me, as he knew Lochlan had volunteered to die in my place. It pains me just as much to see the sadness in my own eyes reflected back in his.

Ryan finished up his tour and decided to stay in New York with family. He traded one uniform for another; after becoming a police officer, he married Sophia, and they’re trying to have some babies of their own.

Luke has made a name for himself, as well. He owns his own gym now, catering to celebrity clientele and anyone with an overflowing wallet. His methods have always been unorthodox, his words vulgar and his spirit intense, and people seem to like that about him. With the increase in money, he opened up a salon for Katherine, and she’s not doing too bad for herself, either.

Things are good for everyone except me, and I’m fine with that. My family pushes me to get back into the dating pool, to stop simply being the sad widow and to get back out there, but I spend all my time on work and raising Niamh. I’m not interested in anyone aside from the man I had and then lost due to my own actions. The man who should be here now, to watch his daughter grow. She’s chatty and strong and independent; she can carry on full conversations, knows enough to keep her powers in check for the most part, and each day she surprises me with how smart she is. Lochlan would be overjoyed to see it.

When Aaron texts me out of the blue one day, I nearly don’t respond. It takes me a few days and a lot of nagging from Katherine to reply.

He knows I’m from New York, and coincidentally got a job offer at a college not far from where I live. He’s bringing his two sons, now seven and ten years of age, to live here. I’m not interested in romance or jokes or grabbing coffee, but he pleads with me to come and see his kids. We met before all this went down, and they’ve been insistent upon seeing me again.

In the middle of a Starbucks on my day off, Niamh in my lap and his two boys excitedly talking about their friends at school, we catch up. He’d been worried when the house burnt down and Ava turned up dead, and it didn’t help that Lochlan and I were never to be seen again.

Now we’re here. In New York, of all places, and I’ve agreed to show him around. I’ve bonded with his kids, he’s smitten with Niamh, and he’s still single. Nothing worked out for him, and I’m the depressed widow who’s just getting by.

It isn’t long before he has me laughing despite my best efforts not to open up. It’s also not long before we’re dating, taking our kids to events together, sharing looks and touching hands and spilling secrets.

He knows everything. I tell him about me, about Lochlan, about the countless dimensions, gods, warlocks, and ancient rules. He takes it slowly out of respect for my loss, knowing he’ll never come close to what I had with Lochlan. Nobody will. And because we work together, because he makes me laugh to distract me from the self-hatred, because he’s tender and caring and simply there, we move in together.

Another year passes. I’m practically the stepmother to Mason and Alex. I love them both, as I love Niamh, but I’m coasting. I try to love Aaron, and I succeed in that, but I’m not in love. It’ll never be true love. Mine came and went with the death of my husband.

Maybe one day I’ll find some spark or some light in the darkness, but the only thing keeping me tethered to this earth is my daughter. I live and breathe for her, and nothing else matters.

On a Sunday morning, I lie beneath Aaron as he moves inside me. The kids aren’t yet awake, so we take advantage of the alone time when we can. I take birth control religiously because three kids is more than enough, and Aaron is fine with that. He’s fine with everything, really. Fine with the fact that I can’t love him back in the same way that he loves me. Fine with whatever I say and do, fine with my mood swings and my anger and my depression. He’s just... fine.

I grasp his back and hike my legs up, opening myself up to him, and he responds with a kiss. He doesn’t deepen the thrusts or quicken the movement of his hips. He makes love to me, breathing quietly into my ear, brushing his lips across my throat in a tender, unhurried pace.

I groan and lift my hips to meet his. “Aaron, I won’t break. Just fuck me.”

He tries. He pushes into me harder this time, faster, but I can barely feel the difference. I sigh. “You don’t have to be so nice all the time. It doesn’t always have to be passionate and romantic.”

He stills. “Cora, you want me to practically kill you. Nothing is ever enough for you. It doesn’t feel right. It’s like you equate sex with violence, and I’m not that guy.”

I know he’s not. Not by a long shot. But I miss the fire and the spark I had before. I miss being primal and animalistic. Lochlan could be so tender and loving in one moment, and then a brutal opponent in the next. My muscles clench around Aaron’s dick in remembrance. “I’m a god, Aaron. You couldn’t hurt me if you tried.” I relax my legs and stare up at the ceiling. “Look, I know I have to piss you off sometimes. Use that. I’m trying to get off, but I can’t this way.”

There’s an unspoken acknowledgement between the two of us. Sex has been sparse. At first, I was okay with the sweetness of our encounters. I was okay with the satisfactory orgasms and the acceptance that I’d never have with him what I had with Lochlan. But his calm, gentle demeanor is getting on my last nerve.

“You don’t piss me off,” Aaron contends, and it only makes me angrier. “I know I don’t measure up, which can be frustrating, but I don’t feel comfortable abusing you so you can cum.”

He thinks this is abuse. He thinks I’m trying to punish myself for Lochlan’s death. He thinks I can’t just accept him for who he is, and maybe some days he has a point.

Fed up, I roll over until I’m on top. I grab the headboard and sit up on my haunches, and I know it’s a porn star move that’s uncomfortable to say the least, but it affords me the ability to slam down and hit deep.

Which is exactly what I do. Sleeping kids be damned, I hold on tightly and bounce up and down on his cock, not feeling nearly as full or as wet or as satisfied, but enough to do the trick. I fuck him like I hate him, and yes, I think of Lochlan. I remember the way we used to fuck. I remember the classroom escapades, the bathroom trysts, being bent over a couch and having my pussy beaten up like it owed him money. We had fire and spark and passion, enough to bottle up and destroy dimensions with. I had the ultimate bad boy fantasy with a man who loved me more than he loved his every breath, a man whom I loved just the same.

Aaron is... Aaron. Nice, friendly, spark-less Aaron. When I cum, I do it quietly. My limbs don’t quake, I don’t scream his name, and when it’s over, I don’t cuddle and get cutesy. I get up to wash off, throw on a robe, and make breakfast.

After the kids eat and disappear to the living room to fight over video games, Niamh comfortably playing with dolls in the corner, Aaron strolls in fresh from the shower. He eyes me, gives me a warm yet awkward smile, and sits down to eat the plate I’ve set out for him.

He chews thoughtfully, then stops to regard me. “I’m sorry.”

Again, the apologies. “It’s fine. You did nothing wrong. I’m the one who’s fucked up.”

He sets his fork down and stands. “You’re not, Cora. You went through a lot, I get that, and I’m more than happy to have you here. I love you, the boys love you, and I’m good with what I’ve got.”

I stare down at the pot I’ve been scrubbing. “You shouldn’t have to settle for me. I’ve been honest, Aaron, and I’ve been doing my best here, but you deserve better than me. I’m a mess.”

He crosses the divide between us and stands before me. “You lost the love of your life. It’ll take a long time to be okay with something like that, and I’ll be here as long as you let me. That’s a promise.”

I roll my eyes. “That’s just it, Aaron. You’re so nice, I feel awful saying anything. There’s never a fight, no disagreements, no angry sex or storming off. I know I can be a bitch sometimes, I’m insufferable, and then there’s you. You just take it with a smile and you’re good to go. Are you ever just pissed? Yell at me, do something!”

There’s shock in his eyes. “I don’t know what you want me to say. I love you. Yes, it’s been difficult, but you’re the one living with the nightmares and the flashbacks. I can’t force you to recover and be happy.” He throws up his hands in frustration. “Cora, I love you. All I want is for you to be happy. What do I need to do?”

“Fight me!” I yell, and I know I sound unreasonable and crazy, but I’m bored and I’m losing my mind with the mundane. “Be mad at me! I’m the worst girlfriend. I barely cook, I’m always at the hospital, I’m bitching more often than not. How are you so fine with everything?”

Finally, Aaron is at his breaking point. It took him long enough. Red in the face, confusion and desperation and only the barest hint of fury in his eyes, he snaps. “Because I’m not Lochlan! I’m not your husband! Jesus, Cora, it’s like you want me to push you away!”

Maybe I do. I’ll take anything at this point. I can’t take the compliments and kisses and loving glances. I want fireworks. I want out. I sigh, because we’re too deep in this now. We fit together because our kids fit together, and I’m with him because he’s yet to tire of me. I’m here because I know that if I can’t find love again with a man like Aaron, then I’m just plain broken. We’ve both settled after one too many heartbreaks, and for now, we have stability.

When Niamh stands and looks at me, concern in her eyes, I shake my head. I don’t need the magic consolation. I need to clear my head somewhere else. I take a deep breath and look back at Aaron. “I’m sorry,” I murmur, and he steps forward as I knew he would. His arms wrap around me and he kisses my hair, my forehead, my lips.

“Don’t worry about it,” he says, his voice soothing and his eyes kind. “I love you, Cora. I don’t like it when we fight.”

Any small disagreement is a fight to him. He grew up with parents who were constantly at odds, lived through their divorce, and swore to himself that he’d never cross the line and lose his shit like they did. So far, despite my ever-changing shifts in mood, he’s kept his promise.

He’s so nice, it’s suffocating. I relax into him in defeat and rest my head against his chest. “I love you, too.”

With that, it’s over. No games, no going days without communication. He fixes his problems head-on and with a level head. I fix my problems with alcohol and rage.

He agrees to watch the kids while I shower and change into my workout clothes for a run around the neighborhood. After giving everyone a kiss goodbye, I take off through the front door, my earphones blaring hard rock music, my mind elsewhere as I kneel in the driveway to tie a shoelace that had come undone.

When I stand, I slam into a tall, hard body, and I pale when I see who’s standing before me.

The phone in my hand clatters to the sidewalk, bringing my headphones with it. My heart thumps in my chest and my stomach churns. Tears spring to my eyes, my limbs growing weak.

“Lochlan?” I whisper.