Aaron and I stand together awkwardly when Lochlan leaves. He needs his space, and I’m not in the mood to be a supportive wife. I’m hurt and I’m angry and I’m not allowed to have friends because they’re such a threat to our marriage, yet he can flirt and apologize and then go right back to his old ways whenever he wants to. I’m sick of making excuses for him. I’m sick of being protected and kept away from my family. I’m sick of waiting for a battle and keeping my emotions in check for fear of drawing the gods nearer to us. I miss healing and helping and being the person that I used to be before all of this.
Before the god who loves me, yet doesn’t find that I’m enough for his personal fulfillment. I gave him a taste of his own medicine with Aaron, and it hadn’t even been my intention. I’d never even flirted with the man. We’re friends. Or, we used to be.
I feel Aaron’s hand on my shoulder. I turn and apologize, but he won’t have it. “This is not on you. Look, come with me.”
I think more alone time is exactly what we don’t need right now, but he presses on. “No ulterior motives, Cora. I can’t leave you like this.”
Finally, I acquiesce, and he leads me past the school property and to a row of shops next door. I’d never even gone to check it out, and I’ve been here for months.
“Pineapple’s your favorite, right? They make this incredible frozen yogurt here, and then there’s a record store right beside it. My treat.”
I shouldn’t be doing this. My heart sinking in my chest, I continue walking beside him. “Aaron, this feels wrong.”
He stops and turns to face me. “It’s not a date. I’m trying to lift a friend’s spirits. You can go back to Lochlan when you’re feeling a little less blue. Hell, he can track me down and whoop my ass if he needs to. He knows where I live.”
The last thing I want to do is go back home. I give him a nod and a small smile, then stand back as he opens the door for me to walk in first. He leads me to a booth and wanders off to grab our orders, then returns moments later with two pineapples cut into halves, their insides brimming with a creamy yellow concoction. I dig in and let my eyes drift closed. “This is delicious.”
This time, his smile is genuine. “I’m glad you like it. My boys always beg to come here on my weekends with them.”
We spend over an hour talking about family, exes, careers, and everything in between. He shows me around the record store and we discuss music. We make a game out of picking up random albums, covering the titles, and making the other guess what it is. He blows me out of the water, ninety percent of the time.
Finally, he leads me back to my car, and I lean against it with my arms crossed. Again, I thank him.
He gives me a hopeful smile and keeps his distance. “You going to be okay?”
I nod. “Yeah. I will.” He doesn’t seem convinced. “Look, we’re happy. We love each other. Most of the time, it’s smooth sailing, but we’ve been under a lot of stress lately, and I guess we’re just getting restless.”
“I can understand that. I just... I hope this works out for you. You deserve that.”
I hug him again. I’m past caring what Lochlan thinks. I’m over the hypocrisy and the arguments and walking on eggshells. He hugs me back gingerly, taking his time before pulling away.
This time he regards me with sadness in his eyes. “Cora, I’m crossing all sorts of lines by saying this, but...” He sighs. “If only I had met you first. In some other life, maybe, we could’ve had something. You’re incredible.”
I hate myself for understanding his words, but I do. I can’t acknowledge it, but I do. Aaron would make sense. My heart is Lochlan’s, though, no matter how difficult our lives may be. No matter if it’s destiny or it would’ve happened anyway, I love my husband with every fiber of my being. I look to the ground, then off to the side, trying my best to come up with a polite way to let him down.
When I face him, he’s already inches away from me, moving slowly toward me. Before his lips can connect with mine, I’m moving back. I shake my head in protest and pat my pockets for my keys. It’s time to go home.
“Aaron, no. This isn’t happening.”
He steps back, his eyes wide as if I’d slapped him. There’s instant regret in the way he looks at me. “Cora, Jesus, I’m so sorry.”
I palm my keys and throw open the door to my car. “I have to go. I have to see Lochlan and fix this.”
There’s desperation in Aaron’s eyes. I can tell he means what he’s saying. “I’m so sorry, Cora. I wasn’t thinking. If I could take it back-“
I’m already in the car, revving the engine. A small part of me wants to console him, to tell him it’s okay, but the biggest part of me is only thinking of my husband. He’d been right to worry. My thoughts jumbled and my heart in pieces, I slam the door shut and race home.
I don’t know which emotion to choose from when I see Lochlan kissing Ava, his body between her knees as she’s hoisted on top of the kitchen table, their tongues in a frenzy. His fingers are curled into her hair and she’s writhing her hips like she can’t get enough.
My eyes brimming with tears, I let out a wordless scream. When they turn, I step forward, and a burst of pure power springs forth from within. She slides off of the table and crashes into the kitchen counter, but I’m not done with her yet. As if being thrashed about by some unseen monster, her body skids across the linoleum and down the hallway until her head smashes against our closed bedroom door.
Next, I set my gaze upon my husband. I’ve never felt such energy inside me; it’s almost painful, the yearning to set it free. I know my pregnancy did something to me, but I’d never had a chance to test it before. Now I can.
Lochlan is frozen against the same table, regret and worry in his eyes, and I step closer. Somewhere from deep within me, I have the knowledge that I can rip him apart without thinking. I can incinerate him in the hottest fires of my anger. I can turn him to dust if I choose to. Yet, I can’t.
Tears are streaming down my cheeks, and I’m shaking with fury. I’m staring down the man I love, the man who wrongs me at every turn, and I can’t do it. After all this, I still can’t.
“Why can’t I hurt you?” I sob in desperation, my lips trembling, my heart in shambles. “When all you do is hurt me, why can’t I hurt you back?”
My frustration is reaching new levels. All I want to do is destroy, and the one man who even halfway deserves it is the one I couldn’t wound if I tried.
I can’t contain the next surge of energy. It escapes me, busting out the windows of our home, glass fragments spraying every which way around us. I’m out of control, and yet I can do nothing.
Picture frames on the walls that depict our wedding, my family, our beautiful daughter, tremble and fall to the floor. The earth shakes beneath our feet and the house vibrates in response. The air grows hot.
How easily I could decimate our little abode. How easily I could end it all.